Confirmed: last night's episode of Law and Order was indeed the Hipster Grifter-inspired story. Footage coming soon, but while Keri Ferril's still incarcerated, we need a new hipster folk hero in her stead. Meet the Zooey Deschanel-esque taggette Danielle Bremner.
Bremner, a 27 year-old FIT student, has quite a bit of history with two men. One, her Clyde Barrow-esque partner in crime, Jim Clay Harper, Bremner's 23 year-old boyfriend (She likes younger dudes! So you're saying I have a chance..). The other, Johnny Law:
- She was busted last August after her parents tipped her off to a search warrant being executed on their Queens homestead, and she went on the lam to Europe for a few months. They tagged in a bunch of cities over there, came back, and in arriving in their opposite respective home cities going through customs (her in Chicago, he in New York), got nabbed:
Harper, a Chicago native, was pinched at JFK Airport, while New Yorker Bremner was picked up at O'Hare International. Police sources told The Post that a search warrant was executed at Bremner's apartment earlier this summer, prompting her family to tip off the accused Bonnie and Clyde of graffiti as they were tagging trains across Europe. Harper and Bremner intended to throw off authorities by arriving in their opposite cities of residence, sources said.
- Then in April, Bremner turned herself in on charges from New York. She had to serve six months of hard time on Rikers.
- Now, she's going back to prison, serving jail time for her pretty paintings in Boston. She's also banned from Boston:
Jake Wark, a spokesman for Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel F. Conley. Bremner, who signs her work "Utah," was ordered to complete five years of supervised probation, take part in any treatment deemed necessary from a mental health evaluation and pay restitution to be determined at December court hearing, Wark said. She was also ordered to stay away from Boston during her probation period, which will be supervised by New York authorities.
That's a punishment? Also, note the fact that her tag—which I'm told by those who know better: puts plenty of the boys to shame—is UTAH, right? Where is Keri Ferrell, the Hipster Grifter incarcerated? UTAH. Exactly.
Meantime, just look at her: a fashion student! Loves to paint! 27, cute indie-girl bangs that she probably has to blow away from her face above her forehead. She's where Domino and Vice meet in the middle. How cute is she? So cute, that she called jail "a ghetto sleepaway camp":
She even kvetched about the food on Rikers because she was a vegan, and threatened to sue until they hooked it up with soy milk and peanut butter.
Over instant message, CLAW tells us it took a lawsuit-threatening letter before "they finally got her soy milk and peanut butter." The other option is finding a chaplain, like Rabbi Leib Glanz, to illegally hook up Goodfellas-style prison feasts.
Word! Hollywood's waiting on this one; it's not ubiquitous enough for Law and Order, but just right for Zooey D's next feature project. SWOON*. Let's go over this one more time:
- She's cute.
- She's a troublemaker.
- She was a girl scout!
- She can hang with the boys.
- She's a vegan.
- She's done hard time.
- She can rock a headband.
- She's from Queens, which has been the New Brooklyn for the last 20 years.
This is the girl Dennis the Menace couldn't close on. I'm in love. Danielle, we salute you for being inexplicably cute and dangerously cool. You're a menace 2 society and our hearts. When you get out of the slammer, holler. You can draw on my walls any time.
[Ed. *Bucky Turco at ANIMAL NY was confused by SWOON, which he didn't know was dumb internet memespeak for "I'm in love," as SWOON is a grafitti artist in her own right. I am SWOONing, not referencing SWOON. Just to be clear. Also, I would be lost without Gothamist's awesome coverage of this as well. They've been onto her since she first showed up in court.]