West Village residents angry about the noise from the Jane Hotel have a hilarious new tack in their war against the club. Encouraging dogs to piss on it. There are some even better places for your dog to relieve himself.
Whether or not you agree with the residents or the club owners, you must admit that this sign is a pretty brilliant strategy. While you can fight the good fight at city hall, it's not nearly as satisfying as the "fuck you" of letting your dog piss on something. And, as far as we know, letting your animal heed the call of nature isn't illegal. So, here are some easy targets for the next time you want to use Fido to get a little bit of revenge.
- People Who Talk on Their Phones on the Subway Stairs: If you are going to stand there finishing an inane conversation and getting in everyone's way, then your socks need to be turned a different shade of yellow.
- Faux Irish Pubs: There's nothing wrong with trying to bring a bit of the old country, but do we really need one of these on every block? Stem the tide by making them all stink.
- 4 Times Square: Yeah, they just had a ton of layoffs today, but between Anna, Graydon, and all the other snoots over at Conde, they still deserve a little squirt.
- Anyone Who Says "Cool Beans" with Lack of Irony: Yes, they are still out there, and they just deserve it.
- Uggs: Now that fall is starting, sad girls all over the country are getting theirs out of the closet. Maybe if we train all the canines in Manhattan to pee on them, we can keep them in the back of the closet forever.
- The Line at Shake Shack: Anything that will make the wait for PB&J custard that much shorter is welcome indeed.
- The Line at Magnolia Bakery: If you travel here all the way from Iowa to retrace the steps of Carrie Bradshaw and you're going to waste an hour or more of your trip waiting in line for a dry piece of caked topped by way too much disgusting hard frosting, then you need some tinkle to go with your sprinkles.
- People Who Brag They Don't Own a Television: If your self-righteousness is going to piss on me and my intense TiVo habit, then we are going to have the dog piss on you.
- Subway Riders with Fancy Books: Between the natural sights, smells and noises that are native to the subway, there is no way you could adequately give Ulysses or On the Road or Crime and Punishment the attention it requires. If you believe for a second that our dog buys that you are reading about Anna Karenina getting hit by a train, then you should get some warm liquid on you, and you should get hit by the train.
- Murray Hill: Just about anywhere will do.