We Must Not Allow Our Businesspersons to Taste Hippie FreedomS

The Way We Live Now: Beneath our proper stations. Respectable PR men and attorneys are now voluntarily doing so-called "other" jobs, like common hippie layabouts. The actual hippie layabouts are complaining because they lost their second jobs, to attorneys.

We don't want you to automatically assume that the dream of a respectable corporate whore business career is dead, but it is. Example one: David Kratz, who sold out of a successful PR firm to go to art school, of all things. You can't paint money with a paintbrush and glitter and construction paper and safety scissors, David! Example two: young attorneys are being asked to "defer" the start of their soul-crushing corporate law careers to go flitting about outside the office bartending or waitressing or "hostessing" (ahem) or even pro-bonoing, which is completely beneath the grayish dignity of Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP and Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe LLP and other comically-monikered paper factories.

You people are doing it all wrong. The recession is not supposed to be about lawyers wasting valuable time to go trotting around hippieland "finding" themselves, without even billing the hours; the recession is supposed to be about family businesses shutting down and heartrending tales of people who already got laid off again after getting laid off the first time. The recession is supposed to be about failed land schemes in Alaska and retailers muttering futile prayers to Santa. And it's about debit card fees. More fucking stories about debit card fees than you ever could have imagined anyone would want to read, much less write. Jesus.
[Pic: The Flooz]