The Prince of Sulzbergers Must Not Waste His Time Covering CrapolaS

Intrepid heir to the New York Times throne A.G. Sulzberger The Younger hath ventured forth in search of the city's oldest tree! Not to speak out of place, Sulzjunior, but are you sure the editors aren't screwing you?

A few of AG's notable stories:

Sure, he gets the occasional sniper hunt and streetball throwdown, but such dramatic fare is not 100% of young Sulzberger's work load. You Metro section assignment editors better start funneling him a few more celebrity murders and salacious scandals, or, swear to god, you'll all be writing obits for obscure biologists ten years. Swear to god.