Even though he didn't deserve it, it's still awesome that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, right? No, it's not. It used to be, but now that Barack Obama has done it, it's un-American.
It's been getting kind of confusing keeping track of what's truly American anymore, so we came up with a handy list of things that are socialist and foreign because Barack Obama has soiled them, by doing them.
Winning the Nobel Peace Prize
Used to be a win for America back when Henry Kissinger won it. Now it's a sign of a "weakened, neutered U.S.," unless John McCain had won it, which he should have, in which case it would have been awesome.
Bo is a ringer, a fake rescue dog who was personally raised by Ted Kennedy for the Obamas and the press won't look into it because they're too busy writing about how cute he is. And he's Portuguese!
Obama lived there, so it can't be in America, and therefore it's not un-American to celebrate the fact that it lost its Olympic bid, since it's Chicago that lost, not America. Fuck you, Chicago.
Loving Your Wife
Obama took Michelle on a date to New York City in May to see a play, prompting the RNC to ask, "If President Obama wants to go to the theater, isn't the Presidential box at the Kennedy Center good enough?" We're still waiting for an answer, Mr. President.
He replaced the White House bowling alley—which can be used to play a white-people game—with a basketball court. Didn't O.J. Simpson or someone play basketball? And he goes to games, instead of fixing America, constantly.