This week, there was lots of scandalous kissing. Also a magazine died. And a guy won a prize!

• Seth Green threw a big fit because he got mugged, and we thought it was fake, but then we thought it was real. Those terms mean nothing anymore, though, so who knows.
• TV comedian David Letterman continued to be mired in controversy and scandal because he apologized and was nearly extorted for sleeping with a staffer at some point in the past. Shock: they liked each other! He did not get along with her new boyfriend! There were letters involved! And kissing! The extorter, meanwhile, is a mystery. He might've gotten the idea from one of his stories. And he didn't breathe a word of his scheme to his cop friends. (Though maybe they came up with it!)
• Conde closed Gourmet. It was sad. And some people blamed the internet. Then everyone at Forbes got fired, too.
• There was kissing on Mad Men and on Gossip Girl. There was singing on Glee. There was despair on Project Runway. The Hills is still on and on The City someone pretended to take the J.
• We seek only to understand Nikki Finke, and to see a more recent picture of her.
• The Supreme Court looked at animal cruelty videos, and Sonia Sotomayor probably said something FIERY.
• Brett Ratner has an inflated sense of self-worth, because people on the internet make fun of him, for being a retard. (Sorry, retards.) Drudge suddenly likes pictures of the coffins of soldiers. Sully hates Obama. Australia doesn't "get" racism. The L train killed someone. The city is killing the Jane Hotel. The Governor of California will kiss a lot of things, but not that, sir. Who hasn't paid for sex with young boys? Right? Barack Obama won a prize. Google is evil.
• This week, the world cried out for any news on whether or not they will see the losing Republican Vice Presidential candidate's daughter's ex-boyfriend's penis. It's not looking good, but we shall never give up hope.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.