America's Lone State-Licensed Weed Dealer: Completely Sketchy

America's only state-licensed medical marijuana dealer is a non-profit dispensary working out of New Mexico. If you've ever experienced the purchasing of diesel-grade weed in a less-than-desirable situation, you can relate to Abby Goodnough's entirely fascinating New York Times report.

States that legalize medical marijuana don't help constituents score it. New Mexico's regulating it, and has given someone a license to sell it. But they're protecting that person's identity, because they don't want the Feds busting their pusherman. Which shouldn't be a problem, because—like every other guy with the best stuff in town—they're massively paranoid of the cops, man.

"I'm so totally paranoid I can't stand myself," said the distributor...who insisted on meeting in the privacy of a hotel room.

There's nothing like watching the New York Times buy weed. Consequently, there's nothing that can make a weed dealer more paranoid than the New York Times. Attorney General Eric Holder noted that he's not going to actively pursue medical marijuana patients and suppliers provided they won't eyeball their eighths and will cooperate with state authorities. Naturally, that hasn't stopped a bunch of cowboy cops from busting people. So: the state licensed it, but overly ambitious, tightassed feds and cops are arresting people just because they can. But that's no different from any other weed dealer in a state where it's not legalized, so: why so serious?

Involved in the process of getting the state-authorized grass: buying a seed from Amsterdam, and getting an ex-marine to help transport it before sale. 300 people have signed up for New Mexico's program, and Rhode Island's trying to follow suit. So: with other states following suit, the attorney general being chill, and the program receiving the support of The State and The People, can't you just take it easy for a moment? What's with all the paranoia, brother? It's not like everyone's after you and your weed, right?

The institute's grower started out producing equal amounts of two cannabis strains - one energizing, the other sedating. But the energizing strain quickly proved more popular with patients, many of whom take morphine and other narcotics for pain that leave them hazy. "They want something that makes them really clearheaded," the grower said, adding that the energizing strain made users feel "almost like your I.Q. went up about 20 points."

Excuse me? We couldn't hear you. All this chronic pain in my face makes it difficult to read. Could you contact us at your earliest available convenience? We have a few questions for you. Beginning with: Do you sling by the truckbed?

[Photo via Justin Sullivan/Getty Images]