If You Didn't Want to Be Poor You Never Should Have Celebrated Christmas

The Way We Live Now: Beneath the weight of a solid gold world. We're so wealthy that we are literally throwing money away. At least, those of us who aren't living in our cars. The point is, kill Christmas!

Puff Daddy accidentally threw his $20,000 diamond ring into the crowd at a 106 & Park taping, while he was on stage hurling "bundles of cash" to hype things up. Which is only fair, since the cash was fake, with "$25 to $100 in singles mixed in with the funny money." Had he not flung his diamond ring accidentally, the impoverished crowd would have been within its rights to sell his organs, for Taco Bell money, simply for being forced to endure a Puff Daddy performance.

We should think about this issue more: Rich people have problems too. Where is the sympathy for them? Diddy's finger is now exposed to the elements. Goldman bankers are in a "Public Relations Bind" because if the general public finds out how much money they made, they will be robbed and robbed and despised and later robbed again, and still despised, and then robbed. Everybody always wants to "feel sorry" for the 97 year-old woman who lives in a 1973 Chevy Suburban with her two sons and begs on the side of the road. But nobody wants to feel sorry for a 27 year-old Goldman banker who might have his Dom Perignon purchases embarrassingly cataloged on bottom-feeder blogs.

Redistribute your sympathy accordingly. Hey, poors, wish you weren't poor? Here's an idea: Cancel Christmas. You can thank the economists later.
[Pic via]