Oh, look: metrosexual Bible Details landed America's biggest gay pop star for a cover shoot. A very heterosexual cover shoot. (He sorta kisses a girl!!) No, Details doesn't look gay at all.

Isn't this just the problem with closeted Details in the first place? It's always been so obviously gay, but at the same time it's like your college roommate who would blast Liza Minnelli and then talk about how he loved fucking his girlfriend who lives in Canada. The mag's closet mentality has even rubbed off on Lambert and they get him to say some really freaky things.

I am gay, but I like kissing women sometimes. Women are pretty. It doesn't mean I'm necessarily sleeping with them.

Yeah, that was really convincing. Adam, why are you going along with this? Say it loud, you're queer and you're proud. And now is not the time to be ashamed.

What is pretty shameful is the press release announcing his cover story. It says the American Idol runner up talks about "getting bras thrown at him onstage, kissing gorgeous women, and living the American dream." Yes, being a gay man making out with a woman really is the American dream—if you're a member of Exodus and trying to convince yourself you're straight.

And just check out the awkward photo shoot.

What Do Adam Lambert and Details Have in Common?

In order to get Lambert to make out with the model, they gave her jockstrap flavored lip gloss, which our man is now trying to devour. This is possibly the first men's magazine shoot where the male and female models are wearing matching nail polish.

What Do Adam Lambert and Details Have in Common?

This pose is so awkward that it has never been found in nature or heterosexual lovemaking ever in the history of the world. It shows Adam Lambert doesn't even know where the vagina lives. "Is it over here? No. Is it over here? No."

What Do Adam Lambert and Details Have in Common?

Lambert stares off into the distance at a monitor playing scenes from College Dudes 24/7. He needs to keep his motivation up, because in a minute, they're going to make him touch that yucky girl again.

What Do Adam Lambert and Details Have in Common?

Here is the cover. Adam looks pouty. That is the usual reaction when mean magazine editors make gay guys spend a whole day touching boobs.