You know that conflict I had after reading the post Toby Young wrote for Gawker? When I was forced to consider the possibility that he could become charming and likeable, rather than just an unfunny stooge? Well, it's over.
I am conflicted no longer: The man's just an idiot. I reached this conclusion last week around the time he stated that Jennifer's meal "was like the difference between a shaved armpit and a hairy armpit." Apparently, he meant this as a compliment—Jen's tasty dish made him think of hairy armpits, a connotation he found so funny and apt, he just had to share it with the rest of us. Because, as I said, he's an idiot. So forgive me for having considered the possibility that Young could redeem himself this season. As my dear mother is fond of saying: "Once an unfunny twat, always an unfunny twat!"
Ok, my mother never actually said that. But it's still probably true.
Hey, here's another thing that's probably true—if you join our Top Chef live blog tonight, you will have fun. Just turn on Bravo at 10 Eastern and start posting witty observations in the comments section below. (For a sampling of the wittiest from last week, click here.) Highlights from our last live-blog-apalooza included the following:
- I couldn't think who chef Charlie Palmer reminded me of, until commenter unclevanya pointed out looks like Frank Nelson, the actor who'd say "yeeeesss?" on old episodes of The Jack Benny Show and I Love Lucy (Click here and compare)!
- Having dined at Jen's 10 Arts in Philly, ms_priestypants posted a review of the meal—which was surprisingly lukewarm. The review that is; not the meal.
- Beardo, who has a pig tattoo, won the pork-themed elimination challenge. What's more, Eli, the quickfire winner, has an Alexia Crunchy Snacks tattoo! Weird, huh?
- We dubbed Ash "Top Bottom" because he's always in the bottom three (among other reasons). He was then promptly eliminated, which always seems to happen just when we come up with a good nickname.
As for tonight, well—I'm psyched. I've watched the previews, and it appears to have all the makings of an episode so good that even the crudest of body-hair-related quips from Toby Young couldn't' spoil it.
First, there's a quickfire "blindfold relay race" thing that looks like a truly fascinating challenge. Also, this is the "restaurant wars" ep, which is always entertaining. Also-also, Robin and Bryan will be on the same team and get all up in each other's faces! Robin should just create her own show called Everybody Hates Robin. She's like Project Runway's Wendy Pepper—but with cancer!
Finally-also, the guest judge will be the always-likeable Rick Moonen, who probably could have won Top Chef Masters last spring if he hadn't blown his chances by plating his quickfire dish too late. Hopefully, he won't blow tonight's judging assignment by eating too slowly.
Yes sir, this should be a good one. So get ready to boot up, drink up and whip out the witticisms! But nothing about food and body hair, please. That's not witty.