Tonight's much anticipated Survivor promised us the chance to see one cast member suffer a severe injury, begging an answer to the raised question: Has CBS delivered?

Survivor Survivor

Not at all. The gist of the super hyped medical emergency amounted to a poor guy getting blindfolded, and passing out because it turned out he had a phobia of giant ball-mazes. This less than entertaining event was coupled with an announcer seeking out his one chance to really be noticed by General Hospital. Did you ever see that movie about those guys who climbed Everest, and they actually filmed it, and like half of them died? That is injury. I was promised as a small impressionable child devoted to his promising betamax collection that a ferocious Dystopian future awaited me. I would come to age in a world celebrating televised events pitting criminals against technology in belittling, exciting ways for fabulous prizes! This Russell guy sheds a single tear and goes home.

As let down as I am by this rehearsed melodrama along with prime-time ethics in general, I'm ready to admit reality television has never been completely devoid of vaudevillian knee-slappers projecting out as true moments of physical suffering.

Let us not forget the famed Road Rules Challenge breast implant explosion.
One of many Wife Swap fights.
And every single episode of Cops.