This week, everyone was crazy or in jail or getting laid off. And the conventional wisdom got turned on its head!

• In: insider trading. Out: talking about health care. In: lizard people! Out: being employed by Conde Nast.
• Hey, they finally filed charges against your crazy ex-girlfriend. (No, Salman, not yours.) But she's cool with it. (Salman isn't, though.) (But don't worry about him too much.)
• Gay pop stars have taken over Details! Lap dancers have taken over Yahoo!
• There is still going to be a movie about the Facebook. Also we're going to save the Oscars!
• Don't be anything for Halloween.
• But especially don't be Bernie Madoff's child molester pizza chef.
• Do the dishes and you will get laid 1.6 times this week.
• One more for the they all look the same file. Also: something was Al Sharpton's fault this week.
• "Vomit everywhere." And death and stuff!
• The Times doesn't believe in this "selling ads" stuff anymore.
• Man, we should all be movie directors.
• Some people don't have cell phones!
• Some people don't have family portraits taken by Annie Leibovitz, either. But not the Obamas.
• Ha, "boner."
• Oh man, David Cross, why are you embarrassing yourself?
• Something you think is wrong, economists say!
• And TV! Mad Men, Gossip Girl, The City, Glee, Project Runway, and The Real Housewives of Atlanta were all recapped.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.