Former Star overlord, Bonnie Fuller, has put up the first previews of her upcoming gossip website Hollywood Life. What do they say about her? In her mind, she is really a 14-year-old princess. Oh, and a liar.
From what we've heard, Fuller's redesign looks like what would happen if In Touch and Life & Style got wasted on cosmos and then barfed all over the internet. We can't wait to see what she's come up with when it launches.
But let's give credit where credit's due. In 2003 Fuller essentially invented the celebrity weekly as we know it at Us Weekly. Her editorial vision spawned a newsstand full of imitators — including Star which she took over after Us owner Jann Wenner didn't give her a pay raise — making her perhaps the most influential magazine editor of the last decade. Even more influential than Vogue editrix Anna Wintour, with whom Fuller's has always had a bizarre obsession. But the only category that Fuller has ever topped her idol in has been as the magazine world's scariest boss.
Most baffling to Fuller's put-upon ex-employees, though, is the strange way she imagines herself as Glinda the Good Witch. The full Fuller fantasy is brought to light in these promos, which were illsustrated by Donald Robertson, her former creative director at Glamour and Cosmo: on the inside, she's a little girl who only wears pink dresses, carries a magic wand, and is one with the people. It's a fascinating peek inside her psyche — and almost entirely at odds with reality.
Here is how Bonnie sees herself: young, thin, and wearing something that she purchased out of the "playing dress up" section of FAO Schwartz. She also says that she will make "all our celebrity life dreams come true." Unless that wand of hers can give me $7 trillion, a house in the Hollywood Hills, and a baby from every troubled African country, I don't think so.
Princess Bonnie says that she traded in Conde Nast car service to take the bus. Say what? First of all, she was fired from Conde Nast way back in 2001. And no matter how cheap Bonnie Fuller may be, she hasn't taken a bus since the 9th grade. Please.
The paparazzi do not call her "princess," they either call her "paycheck," because that's what she signs or "Hey you! Get out of the way. You're blocking our shot of Lauren Conrad."
Bonnie Fuller is not sad when celebs break up. This little princess is over the moon about it. Salacious stories! Moving magazines! Making stuff up! These are the things that Bonnie lives for! Don't try to pretend.
Celebs do not live for her magic web wand. They don't even know what a web wand is. We think it may be some sort of weird interactive vibrator and that's just gross. Also, Bonnie Fuller hasn't been on a red carpet asking questions probably ever. That is what interns are for.
OK, we take that back. Bonnie actually did interview celebs on the red carpet during the Sixth Annual Hollywood Style Awards earlier this month. Click on the video of Jessica Lowndes (she's on 90210), and you can clearly see Bonnie interviewing her. Now, whether you can call Jessica Lowndes an actual celebrity or not, isn't so clear.
Ok, she is very late to the internet celebrity gossip ball, so she is right about that. However, no one invited her to the after party. Actually, we were hoping she's stay home and leave us all alone.
We can not find anything wrong with these illustrations. Gold star for self depreciation Bonnie. It proves you are not entirely deluded.
As for the top picture, it is way too dainty to be our Bonnie. As for the bottom picture, yes, it does kill her to miss a scoop. It is like throwing water on her.
Yes, Bonnie, you will see us. But will we see you? Not like this we won't. And because she's dressed like this, does that mean she's only going to dish about celebs like Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and other things that girls who dress like Disney princesses want to read about? Oh look, Hollywood life already interviewed Selena Gomez!
This is the real live Bonnie Fuller talking trash about Chris Brown and Rhianna on the Today Show today. She's wearing hot pink! She really thinks she is a pretty pretty princess!