Everything's Too Big to Fail, Including Our Two-Step Path to USA Richness Again™

The Way We Live Now: Big. Too big, actually. Too big to fail. Too big to manage. Too big to fuck with. Here's what we're gonna do: Run away to Africa, find diamonds, get rich, blow it, FIXED.

Was our problem that we had too many institutions that were "Too big to fail?" Or was it that we had too many institutions that were "Too big to manage?" Sheeit. You know what's Too Big to Fail? The Earth. You know who was Too Big to Manage? Butterbean. In each case, you're talking about world champs. You don't want to mess with that.

Instead of willy-nilly changing up the whole system just because it collapsed, we have to work with what we've got. More and more young kids are running away from home, preferring a life on the streets to one in a recession-stressed home that's been foreclosed on, choosing homeless peers over a family broken apart by financial difficulties. We can use that! Instead of spending money we don't have to get these kids off the streets, let's put them to work building our economy, here in the USA.
Step one: Put the word out that these kids aren't homeless; they're just the reclusive secret millionaires among us.
Step two: Round the kids up and send them to Africa where their nimble fingers will be valuable to the Tiffany corporation, which now employs cheap and unhappy African laborers to polish their diamonds, in a move that has no symbolic potential. When the kids have earned a bundle, bring them back here (USA) and turn them into marketing people creating demand for goods among the poor, who will then buy thing and go into extreme household debt, which will rescue us from the recession, QED.

See? Only two steps till we're out of this thing.