Christopher Walken Taps Into Your Primitive Urges

Angelina Jolie as a scary Lolita, Michael Jackson is Elizabeth Taylor's new favorite prophet and Christopher Walken does terrible things to a chicken. Gossip is served!

• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]
• Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's boyfriend when she was 16 because Andrew Morton says she did, but she definitely did not have sexual relations with Rosie O'Donnell who once talked to her on the phone and was instantly terrified. Donald Trump would like to learn that trick but his combover won't let him. [Dlisted]
• George Clooney makes triumphant return to TV! By sending us a Memphis cop/ Elvis impersonator who lives at home. Yup, sounds like drama. [Movieline]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are starring in some play - perchance you've heard of it? Just walk to Broadway and follow the screams. And now they're going on double dates together. New York has never been prettier.[Lainey Gossip]
• Bea Arthur is a Golden Girl. She willed $300, 000 to The Ali Forney Center, an organization that helps homeless LGBT youth.The Center plans to use the cash to buy housing for 12 youths and name the building after her. [Towleroad]
• Michael Jackson's latest and last movie, This is It, will debut this weekend. Dame Elizabeth Taylor, who has seen a few movies in her time, thinks this one beats them all hollow. "If you listen to his lyrics," she twittered, "they are those of a modern day prophet and it beseeches us to listen to him and what he sang." Roger Friedman agrees. Jeffrey Wells, on the other hand, has a headache and isn't willing to put out to the Smooth Criminal. [Hollywood Elsewhere]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller, notorious drama magnets and ex-lovers currently working in the same part of the same city, are "self-destructive, self-defeating, horny". Can they remain apart? NEVER! [Celebitchy]
• Brit Hume has guerrilla/pirate fantasies about Obama. [LA Times]
• Diane von Furstenberg got mugged in Spain. However, the next day the Spaniards gave her a "big award" so she's all right. [Page Six]
• P Diddy grabs his junk on a balcony in Rio, offends blogger who runs offensive website who then says offensive things about him. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Mandatory Gosselip Update: Could our long national nightmare be over? HA! As if. [NY Post]

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