Meet the Holy Terror of the U.S. Senate, the pork-hating, rape-okay, Friend of Barry, science critic we know and love called Tom Coburn. Here are five things you need to know:

1. His Name is No, Dr. No - Some hippie was once so enthralled by his resistance to the word "yes" that s/he sent him a giant "NO" in gratitude. He loves it so.

2. "Effective Nuisance" - That's going on his business card STAT!

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3. Healthcare is His Thermopylae -

Mr. Coburn is preparing for what he considers a career pinnacle of havoc. Enacting the proposal, he says, would be catastrophic, and so if precedent holds, he will try to hinder it with every annoying tool in his arsenal: filing amendments (he has done that 508 times since joining the Senate, second only to John McCain's 542 in that period), undertaking filibusters and objecting strenuously.

And that fucking poseur Joe Lieberman can kiss his ass.

4. Friendship Means Paying off Your Friend's Mistress - And then ripping said friend a new one for being such a sick cheating cheaty bastard. Hey! Where do you think you're going, Ensign? Take your public shaming like a man!

5. The Correct Way to Treat Water Moccasins is to Behead Them - It's what Jesus should have done.