Saturday Night SpecialS

All kinds of ghouls today! Creepy celebrity stalkers. Angry cops and angry agitators. Famewhores and their "spiritual" advisers. Fake, drugged-up Jersey Politicos. Palins. Jacksons. Scientologists. Hopefully they'll all be gone (or less scary) by morning...after our extra hour of sleep!

Yes! Tomorrow's that whole "Fall Back" holiday where you used to see the little square at the top of the newspapers with the leaves "falling" "backwards" to signify that tomorrow night at 3:72 AM, you set your clock back an ENTIRE HOUR. #GameChanger. America will now have an extra hour of industry, an extra hour of possibility, an extra hour to come to terms with the fact that we will never get to use that little square on the newspaper anymore because print is dying and our phones/clocks/computers now know to do this for us. It's an hour to make up for the fact that we invented things that make life easier in ways sometime we wish it weren't. [Ed. And an extra hour for you to GET YOUR FIRST POST UP ON TIME.]

But really, it's an hour to sweat and drool out all the Bourbon most of us are about to put our faces into if you haven't already started. Life will get an hour better, except for you treasonous fucks in Arizona, who don't observe Daylight Savings time. Sucks. To. Be. You. Oh, also, we get plunged into darkness about five hours earlier, and if you live in New York, you're never gonna see the sun again on a workday for another five months. Eh. Win some, lose some. We don't need no stinkin' sunlight. There are no cats in America. Etc.

So: what'd you dress up as? Sadly, my Lady Gaga Penis Investigations costume fell through, so I'll be attending tonight's $255,000.00 VICE party wearing the costume of an overworked, cracked-out blogger. I'll also be on the job with Party Crash photographer Mo Pitz, who you may remember from our last adventure together. That was fun. This will be funner. Because if you're the crackheads at VICE who are spending a quarter mil on a party...in Brooklyn...how do you spend it? Oh. We're gonna find out.

Also, Altarcations, tomorrow, 2:30. And another nice surprise: we're sending one of our patented Delta Force Interns on a Black Ops mission tomorrow evening to get some video. That'll be fun.

See you in November! Until then, the scariest song in the world will carry you creatures into the night: