The Way We Live Now: Workin' on the railroad. To the "tune" of $44 billion, hahaha! A tune to a song called 'America Rules.' We don't need sick days. We just need our railroad. Screw an "economic paradigm"!

Warren Buffett is buying Burlington Northern Santa Fe Corp—a railroad company, what else would it be?—for $44 billion, in what he calls an ""all-in wager on the economic future of the United States." We call it an old dude who forgot that people don't ride trains any more! But cheers to the greatest investor of his generation, Warren Buffett, and his losing all-in bet.

We're totally kidding! America is awesome and as any dumb idiot child knows, so are its trains, which are powerful as fuck. Warren Buffett owns so many trains now! If Warren Buffett were signed up for FreeCreditReport.com he would get a monthly report that was like "Yea your credit's fine but are you sure you spent $44 billion on trains?" And Warren would be like "Yea that was me no prob no worries, now sing that sweet sweet theme song, guys!"

Advertisement

He's no communist.

While poors weigh down our economy with their unproductive and unpaid sick days spent at home, Warren Buffet rides a golden train to the Heartland of America with a sterling silver credit report for which he's happy to pay a small monthly fee. Whining and complaining? Not Warren Buffett's style. He's more likely to save the US economy while you whine and complain about having to work while dying from swine flu. He's more likely to be like "My wallet weighs a ton, bitch, because it's full of $44 billion worth of railroad materials," while pointy-headed economists talk to their nerd groups about a "new economic paradigm," and nobody even knows what that means.

What we do know: $44 billion buys more god damn trains than you can believe, enough trains to whisk Warren Buffett along polonium money tracks straight to whichever geographic portion of America he currently seeks to revive. And he'll do it. Bet on it.