O'Reilly: We Should Win Hearts and Minds Because 'We Can't Kill All the Muslims'

Tonight, in the midst of browbeating the media for missing the "all Muslims burn with hatred for America" angle of the Ft. Hood shooting story, O'Reilly terribly misinterpreted why we're trying to win hearts and minds in the Middle East.

Yes, Bill O'Reilly, the only reason we're dicking around over there installing potable water systems is because we don't yet have the capability to kill every single Muslim in the Middle East. And your guest, Lt. Col. Peters, of course knows this. He is a soldier, and we all know that soldiers secretly die a little on the inside when they are forced to hand out boring old life-sustaining Powerbars to Afghan villagers instead of getting to have an awesome firefight with them.

(O'Reilly was right in one important aspect, though: killing every Muslim in Afghanistan would definitely end the war there, seeing as how 99 percent of Afghans are Muslim. Seems like we're disturbingly well on our way to doing this.)

Bill O'Reilly: Always good for a laugh, followed by a long period of reflective silence, followed by a little more laughing, then a bit of weeping, then silence again, then some more weeping, and, finally, a week-long bout of problem drinking.