The Week We Declared Victory Over the Moon

Levi Johnston, Carrie Prejean, Sarah Palin, and the Hipster Grifter: it was a cavalcade of terrible stars, this week!

Very few Iranians are on Twitter, and every morning when they check it they are all like "what's with all these Azeri Turk trending topics aren't they hilarious?" Your fancy stroller is going to kill your fancy baby. Glenn Beck sued the internet, and lost. His employers took the fight elsewhere. Marissa Mayer went back in time and invented Google in its crib. Sarah Palin promised to start Twittering again, but then didn't. The Hipster Grifter would like to be on VH1. Carrie Prejean announed her involvement in the production of child pornography. Then she attempted to become the first person ever to walk out on Larry King. She was unsuccessful. You can buy some of Bernie Madoff's tchochkes. (You might want to get on that before your funemployment benefits run out.) A mysterious man is spending a great deal of money on partying. He may be some sort of hard-partying front. Mad Men ended its season, and we wondered who'd be back. Then we watched a baby come out of a lady, on the internet. The New York Post turned out to be basically just like you thought it was. V proved beyond a doubt that Barack Obama refuses to speak Japanese. A funeral for a musician was ridiculously expensive. A Standard Hotel guest accidentally took that hotel's gross marketing campaign seriously. An American Apparel advertisement featured a nipple. Orly Taitz protested Fox News for some reason. Jersey Shore is a thing that will be on TV soon. (Maybe we can get Sean Hannity to apologize for it?) Las Vegas residents are concerned about a truck that drives around with a stripper in the back, stripping. It is unclear who actually shot the Fort Hood shooter. New York's ruling class is bravely reporting on its own children. Top Chef was weird and uncomfortable. The City was apparently Miami, for a day. Levi Johnston is having a lot of fun for a new dad. (He will not be joining Sarah Palin for Thanksgiving.) Glee makes everyone cry. Sarah Palin is still not tweeting, but she did write a chapter-book. 30 Rock is becoming incredibly unfocused—some of their b-stories this season could be full episodes—and ridiculously cartoonish, but there sheer number of successful jokes in each episode is still remarkable. Also they are making fun of NBC a lot. Project Runway had the always-fun "Tim Gunn attempts to connect to some weirdo's family" episode.

Brooklyn musician Gerhardt Fuchs, 34, died in a freak accident.