We drank one too many white wine spritzers with Brooklyn Decker and missed last night's episode of The City. Thankfully we have the dispatches of our favorite cub social reporter to fill us in on everything we missed.
It was another Roman bacchanal last night at neo-classical hotspot The Gates in Chelsea (is it still Chelsea if it's above 23rd Street?). Many managed to weasel their way past the velvet rope of the private club that has been ever more public ever since getting a great mention on Gossip Girl a few weeks back. Maybe Chuck Bass could utter my name once and then I would be just as popular. Oh, just kidding.
I certainly wasn't the center of attention, not with Whitney Port and Sammie Whatshername in attendance, lending moral support to their friend Roxy Carmichael Olin who was there to meet her new love interest Zac. We thought she was going to light the potted palms on fire when Zac walked in flanked by Jessica Stam, Brooklyn Decker, Agynnes Deyn, Chanel Iman, Shocklineva Costicova, and a certain reporter (me!). We sat down at a table nearby and ordered white wine spritzers, because they are Brooklyn's favorite and her husband, Andy Roddick was buying. Thanks, Andy!
It was hard to enjoy the wonderful cocktails thanks to all the glares coming at us from the three ladies nearby. Shocklineva leaned over and asked Zac what the deal was and he said that he and Roxy Carmichael Olin were friends back in L.A. and had drinks a few times in New York and he thought that RCO was harboring a little crush on him. It is obviously a crush that wasn't requited. Why would he mess with Roxy when he was out at a club with five models and a girl who constantly got offers to model when she was in J school, but was far too busy knocking on doors of apartments in Harlem to inquire about neighborhood shootings to do shootings for Vogue.
Anyway, Zac was telling us all about how they had drinks the other night and Roxy thought it was a date, even though the whole time she was talking about how Whitney was out with some boy named Patrick. As Zac tells it, Sammie had set Whitney up on a blind date with a boy she worked with at Bergdorf who is obviously gay. While at dinner, the boy, while cute, was a total jerk. She asked him where to get some "dunks" and he said, "You get dunks where they sell dunks, but you can only get dunks if you ask for dunks and you have to know what dunks are. And not Dunkaroos either, even though I loved that snack as a kid. I mean real real dunks that are only dunky enough to be dunks." Next he referred to Louis Vuitton as LV, and Whitney thought he meant 55, which is what it would be in Roman numerals. Then when the bill came, he dared to ask Whitney to "join forces" on paying the check. After dating the dashing and very generous Freddie Fackelmayer (who just celebrated our one month anniversary together by taking me out to dinner at Rouge Tomate, full disclosure!) he's going to need to do more to impress her.
I told Zac that he better go over there and straighten the girls out, so he walked over and plopped himself down next to Whitney. Roxy climbed over her friend and put a full-on stranglehold on Zac, accusing him of being fake and rude and drawing a Sharpee mustache on her that time she passed out drunk on Danny Masterson's couch. As usual Whitney got all flustered as soon as there was any conflict and everyone kind of forgot about Sammie, who was up at the bar hitting on Agynness Deyn, who does look very cute with her new haircut.
When Zac came back, he was pretty flustered, but we were determined to have a good time, so Shocklineva busted out her eightball and we did a few lines right there off the table. Roxy was still giving us the stink eye and I just couldn't stand looking at her anymore. That's when I started making out with Zac. I didn't do it to make her mad, it just sort of happened, and next thing you know, Jessica Stam has her hand on my boob and Sammie is lip locked with Agyness. Zac just leaned back nodding and smiling, his arms splayed out of the back of the couch as if he was the emperor of all of Rome and seven Phoenician slaves were making out just for him. No wonder he was completely oblivious to what little Roxy was thinking about him.
We left about three hours later, lipstick smeared, nose on fire, and only two white wine spritzer glasses broken. Brooklyn invited me to her Elle shoot the next day, which was going to be rough, but fun.
A Fashion Tree Grows in Brooklyn
by Betsey Morgenstern
SceneBSeen.com Senior Social Correspondent
No fashion magazine worth the paper its printed on would dare shoot in Brooklyn, but they are all clamoring to shoot Brooklyn Decker, the swimsuit model who is also married to tennis superstar Andy Roddick. Brooklyn, who I first met when she hosted a party thrown by Elle Magazine, Lycra, and People's Revolution PR at Miami International Fashion Week, is again working for Elle, but this time doing a shoot for the magazine. Creative Director Joe Zee had the vision of putting her in clothing inspired by menswear, like fedoras, jackets, and pants. With her athletic frame it was a natural fit. At one point accessories editor Olivia Palermo added a watch to the outfit. It was her only contribution of the day, but before that watch, Brooklyn was like a birthday cake with no candles. Way to go, Olivia.
After perusing the accessories table, they took Brooklyn up to the roof. As we were about to go out, we heard Zee fighting with Elle PR mastermind Erin Kaplan about her favorite subject, the ineptitude of Olivia. Erin was saying that she had to fight for everything she has where everyone expects her to just hold Olivia's hand until she's competent, and that's not fair. Joe thinks that Olivia is doing a great job and maybe, just maybe, Erin isn't managing her correctly. You mean barely masked scorn isn't a successful managing strategy? That's when we walked out and interrupted, and Brooklyn asked if she could hang off the structures on the roof and over the Midtown East traffic below. They said, "Genius!" She also proposed the headline of the article be "Double Decker" and they could transpose images of her on top of each other. They said, "Brilliant." Then she asked everyone to go to dinner at Rouge Tomate after the show, and they said, "Of course!"
Once the shoot wrapped, Brooklyn had a "headache" (possibly from white wine spritzers the night before at The Gates) and didn't go to dinner, but i tagged along with Joe Zee, Kaplan, and Palermo. There we met up with Robbie Meyers, editor-in-chief of Elle magazine and Nina Garcia's bête noire; Candice Rainey, an Elle senior editor who has taken a vow of silence; and Gabe Saporta and Ryland Blackinton of the band Cobra Starship.
As soon as we sat down Meyers was asking about the shoot. Joe Zee filled her in and let her know what a great team Olivia and Erin are. They're a regular Krystal and Alexis, but both blond. Olivia was beaming, as she always does at the sound of her own name, and Erin was stuffing her face with bread. Chewing might have kept the mean words out of her mouth, but not the evil expression off of her face. Robbie fell for it, and feel for Palermo, like everyone always does, even asking her to help pick out a dress for some Women in Hollywood soiree they're having. With that, she dragged Joe Zee outside because they had a better party to go to at The Box. Something to do with Levi Johnston and a porn award.
I wasn't paying attention, I was waiting to see if Erin could actually turn Olivia to stone with her eyes. Just as her face was beginning to look a little marbley, Olivia got up to leave. Before she had even gotten out the front door, Kaplan let everyone know that she thought Olivia was horrible at her job and lazy and stupid. Doesn't she have anything else to talk about? Maybe she should find out what Cobra Starship is listening to and write a story about hip new music. Or maybe everyone wants to talk about Jersey Shore, the new reality television program that is sure to revolutionize the world? No, she just binged on more carbs, and I excused myself to meet Freddie (my boyfriend, full disclosure!) at the bar for a hard-earned cocktail. Thanks to Brooklyn Decker, I'm drinking white wine spritzers. And make it a double, Decker!