Gang Kill Lonely Obese People, Sell Their Fat For Cosmetics

In a story that can only be described as made-up-but-not, police have busted a gang in Peru who targeted fat people on "lonely roads," killed them, extracted their fat and sold it, possibly to make anti-wrinkle treatments.

The extracted, liquidized fat sold for $15,000 a liter, report the BBC, and it apparently went to "European countries." Four people have been arrested and five, adds the journalist with a straight face, remain "at large." Some of those captured were carrying soft drinks bottles of human fat. To reiterate: bottles of human motherfucking fat. One of them admitted that they'd been luring the chubby with fake job offers, then bumping them off, in the Huanaco and Pasco regions for up to three decades. Police estimate that they may be behind the disappearances of up to 60 people.

The gang has been referred to as the Pishtacos, after an ancient Peruvian legend of killers who attack people on lonely roads and murder them for their fat.

The genesis of this ancient legend is not so hard to trace. The last alleged murder happened in September. Before you get comfortable, and laugh at the people in Peru:

Gen Felix Burga, head of Peru's police criminal division, said there were indications that "an international network trafficking human fat" was operating from Peru.

Stay off those lonely roads.