Drunk yet? Good. Now, grab your wallet, and beat the Black Friday crowds to the best present ev-ar: our James Franco and National Book Award winner-endorsed Gawker Sarah Palin Slambook. It's awesome, and it's for a great cause.
Bidding for the book is already at $710. Seriously.
All money from the auction is going directly to Save The Children, who've done great work in all areas providing everything from shelter to education to medical care for kids who aren't within reach of it, for whatever reason. Despite being a nonreligious, independent charity, even Barbie put on a Burkha for them recently, they're so goddamn great. Their work on domestic children's literacy programs is excellent stuff, and by no means do you have to buy the book to give a buck. Someone already did this.
We owe a big, big shoutout to commenter Matty McBoy (aka, Mr. Matt Carlton). Matt tried to win the book in one fell swoop, and his accountant freaked the fuck out and tried to strangle him. So he donated $250 to Save The Children anyway.
Dear Matt (and Matt's Accountant):
On behalf of everyone here, and the American economy: You're a mensch. Thank you. May we all have accountants so anal.
And the rest of us can be thankful our reading abilities enable us to read this website! Starting to see the subtext behind all of this? This auction will raise money to help children read...Gawker Media properties! And click on them a bajillion times and give my bosses more money. That's the idea here, you know? Really, how else do you think I got away with this?
#KIDDING. Thankfully, Save The Children doesn't have a literacy program encouraging children to end their reading capabilities at hashtags or dick jokes about Glenn Beck or color commentary on Lady Gaga's Hidden Appendages. It's why we picked them. Hopefully, children will read books. Any of 'em, lots of 'em, thousands at a time. And if they don't start with Colum McCann's, it's okay.