A plague of thirsty camels has overrun a small, drought-ridden town in the Australian outback. The only way to survive: Round thousands of those suckers up and gun 'em down from choppers.
Lest you think Australia's dromedary holocaust is inhumane, the Associated Press explains that the situation is "critical," and it's mankind's fault for bringing the hump-backed menaces to the Outback in the first place:
"The community of Docker River is under siege by 6,000 marauding, wild camels," local government minister Rob Knight said in Alice Springs, 310 miles (500 kilometers) northeast of Docker. "This is a very critical situation out there, it's very unusual and it needs urgent action."
The camels, which are not native to Australia but were introduced in the 1840s, have smashed water tanks, approached houses to try to take water from air conditioning units, and knocked down fencing at the small airport runway, Knight said. ... Camels were first brought to Australia to help explorers travel through the desert, and now an estimated 1 million roam wild across the country.
Here's how the camelpocalypse is going down:
The government plans to use helicopters to herd the camels about nine miles (15 kilometers) outside of town next week, where they will be shot and their carcasses left to decay in the desert. The state government will give a 49,000 Australian dollar ($45,000) grant for the cull and to repair damaged infrastructure in the town.
That is going to smell so bad. A vocal opposition calls the plan "barbaric," citing "terrible distress" and "terrible suffering." On the other hand, grown man-camels weigh 2000 lbs. and are 7 feet tall, which means up to 12,000,000 lbs. of enraged, thirsty camel could be laying siege to Alice Springs, Australia as we speak.* Consequently, the people of Alice Springs are probably not thinking rationally, having long ago entered "fight or flight" mode (prompting them to use flight to fight), much like the terrifying middle scenes of Jurassic Park, when the dinosaurs take over and everyone runs around screaming and getting crazy violent.
It should also be noted that whoever gets stuck flying the helicopters and aiming the guns is going to be seriously traumatized. Now here's a picture of a strapping gentleman traversing the Outback on camel in the 1920's. This fiasco is his fault.
* Sure, they aren't all fully grown man-camels, but when a small, drought-ridden town is under attack from 6000 camels, I feel it is best to give them the benefit of doubt. Also, I once rode a camel at the zoo, and it was large, bulky, and painful.