Nov 29, 2009 05:00 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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Problems of Brad Pitt, Part 2. Can he live? No. The New York Post reports on a book coming out detailing Brad Pitt's recent troubles. Among them: Brangalina's divorce-bound, because Angelina Jolie's psychotic. Also: Jennifer Aniston's totally a paranoid stoner.
The New York Post details the revelations laid bare in Ian Halperin's book Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, which comes out on Tuesday. The highlights:
Now that all that information's out there in the Post piece, question: who's gonna buy this book? Are people that obsessed that they have to go beyond their sociopathic celebrity weeklies and summary of shit gone wrong with Brangelina that they need to read an entire book about it? Apparently so. Because people buy these books. But who?! Do you really need to read 300 pages on Brangelina? Scientology and Tom Cruise, maybe. Michael Jackson, sure, if you're that morbid. But Brangelina? Really? I promise, Netherland is better.
That aside, is this BOOM! Goes the dynamite-true or complete bullshit? Hard question to answer, but it most likely has at least one solid foot firmly planted in reality. Ian Halperin—another one of these strange, bowtied gossip creatures who can, yes, write entire 9/11 Commission-esque reports on the crumbling marriage of Brangelina—has done pretty credible reporting, most recently, on Michael Jackson's death, where he had his Called it moment of smug. He claims to have talked to 900 sources to get the story, but that's where the issues come in.
1. Of these 900 people, how many do you actually think have a substantial, true account with nothing invested in either party and/or talking to a reporter?
2. Take a line like this:
A hotel employee at the Dorchester Hotel in London once overheard 3-year-old Shiloh refer to one of her nannies as "Mommy," Halperin writes.
Sure, okay, probably true. But 3-year-old kids have (A) Freudian slips, (B) small brains, and (C) names for things that aren't actually their names, because they're three.
3. The account seems entirely biased on the side of Pitt. Certainly, if there's celebrity fallout, Pitt's the larger celebrity, and who knows if Halperin has a motive (besides selling books) or how he slanted his narrative to get the accounts he wanted.
All of that aside, as previously mentioned: Jolie's always been kinda nuts. Pitt was reluctant to dish on his perfect joint-rolling strategy recently, maybe fearing retribution. And they're building a militia with those kids. Who wouldn't be tense if you had to fear a potential coup d'etat over cereal selections every nine days?
And all of that said? How great would it be if Pitt and Aniston got back together? Seriously. She's earned her stripes, and even if she is worried about the fuckin' cops, man, she's probably still cool with Brad toking up and could maybe even learn to love Angelina's Army too, so long as they don't try to kill her and/or suck her blood. And it'd make my job exponentially easier. Who wants to learn what a Gerard Butler is, anyway? Braniston 2011! Show of hands on this, please.
Send an email to Foster Kamer, the author of this post, at foster@gawker.com.
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