Poor, beleaguered Roman Polanski is being held in the most inhumane of conditions, a luxury ski chalet with a breathtaking view in a posh Swiss town beneath an endless sky bound only by rainbows.

The admitted child rapist is scheduled to arrive today at his mountain home in Gstaad, one of the most expensive ski resort towns in the world and home to annual tennis and polo tournaments. Old-school glitterati including Liz Taylor, Roger Moore, and David Niven used to frequent it. Martha Stewart, eat your house arrest heart out.

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

Polanski used the $1.6 million manse as collateral for bail. At the chalet, he'll be sporting a fetching electronic ankle bracelet, and will not have his passport.

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

Known as the "Milky Way," the chalet's walls will be the bounds of Polanski's physical universe—but he'll have complete freedom within it.

Polanski will be able to go outside to check the mail or entertain guests in the garden and will be able to telephone and send e-mails, work on his films and have parties. Phone conversations will not be monitored.

"He will have no prison regime," said Justice Ministry spokesman Falco Galli. "He is completely free to determine his daily schedule. It's also up to him to get in food and other supplies."

[AP]

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

This picture is so picturesque it makes me want to vomit. Roman Polanski's new prison literally has rainbows.

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

A juxtaposition more appropriate than a rainbow is this dog's rear end.

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

Naturally, journalists and paparazzi have flooded the town.

No special police protection will be provided, either to make sure Polanski remains or to keep spectators and others away, Galli said. He said Polanski could call the local police or a security firm if he feels threatened.

[AP]

A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

Look how cute and Swiss these shutters are! Quaint prison bars, really.