A Guided Tour of Roman Polanski's Luxury Alpine Prison to the Stars

Poor, beleaguered Roman Polanski is being held in the most inhumane of conditions, a luxury ski chalet with a breathtaking view in a posh Swiss town beneath an endless sky bound only by rainbows.

The admitted child rapist is scheduled to arrive today at his mountain home in Gstaad, one of the most expensive ski resort towns in the world and home to annual tennis and polo tournaments. Old-school glitterati including Liz Taylor, Roger Moore, and David Niven used to frequent it. Martha Stewart, eat your house arrest heart out.