Making It Rain With Trickle-Down Economics

The Way We Live Now: Hitchhiking out of Dubai. Our only possessions: Bargains from Black Friday. That's it. No splurges, no handouts, no bonuses. But no crime! Which is nice.

This whole "Dubai is broke" thing, ugh. That is certainly the last time we invest everything in a construction-mad oil-poor Middle Eastern kingdom bent on building a paradise in the desert no matter how preposterous the cost! We'll tell you that much!

It's not worth worrying about. We have other problems. Not the sweet deal I got on a Boost Mobile phone on Black Friday; that, my friends, is "no problemo" (problem). But of course the whole concept of "loss leaders" is dead when people just buy the things that your store loses money on and then they all leave before also picking up some things you might perhaps make money on. That's what retailers get for being such delicious bargains, though.

Delicious—but are they good for you? In the metaphorical sense of like if money was food and nutrition was somehow factored in there, economically? That is the question, friend. And the answer is, "It doesn't really matter if you're a homeless panhandler, because even people who are not homeless panhandlers are broke now so, haha, no money for you, homeless panhandler."

This is what makes "trickle down economics" the powerful "acid rain" that stimulates American exceptionalism, money-wise.

Where else is our money threatened? At our very own jobs as Corporate CEOs, that's where. The Communists at the Wall Street Journal have permitted some socialist business school professor to defile their pages with an article suggesting that executive bonuses are counterproductive and should be completely done away with.

Uh, not to trickle down acid economic rain on your "Viva Socialismo!" parade there perfesser, but we think you've forgotten one thing: If you took away executive bonuses and paid CEOs a salary, they would be getting paid just like their workers.

Game and set, as well as match, thank you. We're off to stroll back to our mansion unmolested by robbers or ruffians, because new statistics show that crime hasn't even gone up during the recession. For that, The Haves thank you!
[Pic via]