Tiger Woods may have apologized to his wife and family for running all around town with a succession of women, but that doesn't mean the ladies don't exist. Just like Tiger's wife, we all want to know who they are.
After the nominal plea for privacy that will promptly be ignored by the press and the American public, Woods went on to lament the attention he's received ever since crashing his car and shaking loose a tree of secrets. All of those secrets are women, and we don't even know all their names yet. Still, Tiger is standing by his wife.
Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.
Screw privacy! What kind of ladies Tiger like? Skinny, leggy, conventionally attractive women with long hair. He's not so picky about the color, but he's really into the length. It helps if they have an exotic name—even if it's Grubbs. All of his confirmed mistresses worked in Vegas nightclubs, so it seems that's where Mr. Woods goes to get his holes in one—especially at The Bank, which seems to be filled with deposits from Mr. Woods' millions.
Works: Director of VIP services at the Griffin nightclub
Fun Facts: Also had relationships with Derek Jeter and David Boreanaz. Has celeb attorney Gloria Allred on retainer. Her mother is a Florida socialite.
Outed By: National Enquirer.
Hotness: A solid 8 (out of 10)
TV Movie Casting: Jennifer Aniston
Lives: Las Vegas
Works: Waitress at The Bank nightclub
Fun Fact: Yes, she was on VH1's Tool Academy. Claims to have 300 "sext messages" from Woods.
Outed By: Us Weekly for a tidy sum.
TV Movie Casting: Tila Tequila
Lives: Las Vegas
Works: Marketing director for The Bank nightclub
Fun Facts: Throws an annual Vegas Prom event, and hosted about just about every club in town. She is one of the 31 most influential people in Las Vegas nightlife
Outed By: Life & Style
TV Movie Casting: Eliza Dushku
Lives: Wherever Tiger is—except when he's in Vegas.
Works: Retired model, now professional Mrs. Woods
Fun Facts: Gave birth to Woods' daughter Sam in 2007 and son Charlie in 2009. She is Swedish and has a twin sister, Josefin.
Outed By: Marrying Tiger in 2004 after three years of dating.
TV Movie Casting: Jamie Priessly
Four Unnamed Others
Lives: Las Vegas, Orlando, and Verona, New York
Works: One is a marketing exec, the others just want a piece of Tiger.
Fun Facts: We're waiting to find out who these women are: one he took home from his favorite pick up joint, The Bank, in Vegas. Two others he took back to his room after meeting them at a casino in Verona, New York. The fourth was a girl he was feeling up in an Orlando bar.
Outed By: Us Weekly and TMZ
Hotness: We're reserving judgement.
TV Movie Casting: There's gotta be a part for Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta in there somewhere.