Lindsay Lohan's Rashomon-like love life takes three different turns in one day, Tiger Mistress #1 prepares to tell all, and the Salahis cancel Christmas. Come bathe in a sea of Thursday's gossip.

  • Some say John Mayer facilitated a LiLo-SamRo reconciliation. Others say Lindsay's "got one of her legendary scary crushes" on John. Still others say LiLo is sinking her talons into Jessica Alba's husband and baby daddy, Cash Warren, and has been "seen kissing" him! If that last one is true, we will know by the trail of dead bodies because Alba strikes me as the kind of woman who would calmly and purposefully disembowel you if you looked at her husband the wrong way. And she would do it all with dead eyes. [3AM]
  • After adamantly denying that she had an affair with Tiger Woods, Rachel Uchitel, A.K.A. Mistress #1, wants to come clean and tell the world that, yes, she did indeed bang the world's most famous sports star. Whippersnapper lawyer Gloria Allred will hold a news conference at 11:30AM PST. [National Enquirer]
  • What's more, TMZ reports that Uchitel wasn't the mistress who touched off the car-smashing fight! Nor was it Jaimee Grubbs! Who, oh who, will it be... [TMZ]
  • Casey Johnson finally got around to denying those pesky breaking/entering/masturbating charges. The Johnson & Johnson family fortune gets you some top notch legal advice, so Casey's comment was basically confined to calling the charges a "100 percent fabrication," thank you and good bye. [P6]
  • Hulk Hogan popped the question to girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel, and she said yes. Jennifer [fig.1] is the spitting image of the Hogan women, but which one? A younger version of his ex-wife? [fig.2] Or an older version of his daughter? [fig.3] The answer you choose is a Rorschach test of the twisted depths of your psychosexual subconscious. [NYDN]
  • Tareq and Michaele Salahi have canceled their Christmas party, a wine tasting one their vineyard. Guests were notified by Facebook note: "The wine tasting event has been postponed to be held after the holidays." They probably guessed that everyone and their mother was going to try to crash. [Click]
  • Ever since she married Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman's been forced to pretend like she cares about country music, and is warm and folksy and aw-shucks-sweet. Case in point: She recently described Taylor Swift as "a delight," "a honey bun," and someone she admires deeply. What I wouldn't give to have old ice queen Nicole back. And red hair, and a human face, too. [ShowBizSpy]
  • As for Taylor, she admires Rihanna, who is "one of my favorite artists, so if I ever have to perform in front of her, I'm so petrified." Isn't this all but guaranteed to happen at this year's Grammy's? [ShowBizSpy]
  • Orlando Bloom and supermodel girlfriend Miranda Kerr were partying in Vegas when someone spilled a drink on Orlando's shirt, so he ripped it off right then and there, just like in a porno. [P6]
  • Junior "Teflon" Gotti—whose racketeering and murder charges slid off into the purgatorial quasi-innocence of mistrial on Tuesday—wore a blue velour track suit and shit-eating grin celebrating his freedom by taking his kids on a shopping spree at Toys 'R' Us. [NYDN]
  • Kate Hudson says no matter how in love you are with a man, "you need to have your girlfriends," which is funny, because almost female I know thinks she's insanely annoying, although one or two love her. Female polarization principle; its adverse is known as the masculine meh. [ShowBizSpy]

Figures 1., 2., & 3.