America just can't win. We stopped smoking—then we all got fat. So we lipo-sucked all the fat out and put it in our breasts, where it could do some good. Then we got sex-harassed at the gym!
- Might As Well Smoke: "About 40 years of health improvements from declining numbers of smokers may be undermined because too many U.S. adults are obese, researchers said." Yea you just replaced the Camels with Ding-Dongs, America, what was even the point?
- Take Advantage of the Extra: Docs now are happy to suck fat out of your body and inject it right into your breasts, where fellas think it looks nice. Take it from this lady: "I love that it's just mine, my own fat," she said. "I didn't have to put anything foreign in my body." Sure!
- You Can't Escape: They told you to stop smoking. They told you to embiggen your breasts. They told you to work out and get in shape. Sorry, it was all a male plot! Two health club workers in NYC are suing their boss for SEX HARASS. They "say the degrading behavior at Battery Park Swim and Fitness included bra-strap snapping, unwanted advances and remarks about their cleavage." It's enough to make you take up smoking.