Everything in this bourgeoise white-trash mother's life is going so well that she must search high and low for things to outrage her. WAIT! Did her daughter's Miley Cyrus doll just swear? Sure, that'll do. Local news, activate!

Not only are there so few things wrong in this mother's world that this is an actual issue, there are so few things wrong in Jacksonville that this is an actual story. We think maybe this is all part of a Miley Cyrus mind-control conspiracy to make the children of America revolt against their parents in an overflowing sea of profanity and disrespect. Not in this country! Perhaps Jacksonville can stop worrying about boring issues and start launching a real investigation. You know, for the children.

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[via Buzzfeed]