Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

These colorful characters will instantly become your new reality show best friends when the MTV show about eight guidos in a summer house starts tonight. It's going to be epic. And yes, we will be live blogging the 10pm debut.

Here they are, the four men and four women who let their summer of tanning, partying, fighting, grooming, loving, and Armani Exchange shopping in Seaside Heights, New Jersey, be filmed for the rest of America to ridicule. Italian American groups are up in arms about the show, saying it's racist against Italians. That means it is bound to be even better than we thought.

How could we let an event of such cultural and anthropological significance as the two-hour world premiere of Jersey Shore pass without notice! Come back on 9pm for the Jersey Shore live blog. You'll see a post and just click on that and there will be full instructions. If the show is even half as good as the full promo (at the bottom of the post) it will be nothing short of miraculous. And if the live blog is even half as fun as that, it will be better than an evening alone with a bottle of wine crying yourself to sleep while watching the Real Housewives of Orange County.

We've got our hair gel all packed, let's introduce ourselves to our virtual housemates.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Angelina "Jolie"
Age: 22
Hometown: Staten Island, New York
Relationship Status: Has a boyfriend who she is faithful to.
Claim to Fame: Claims to be the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island. Wait, is she Angelina Jolie or Kim Kardashian? We're confused.
Love or Hate: We love her when she's KK, and hate her when she's Angie.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Jenni "J-Wow"
Age: 23
Hometown: Franklin Square, New York
Relationship Status: She has a boyfriend, but that doesn't stop her.
Claim to Fame: Absolutely no self control.
Love or Hate: We love sluts!

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Nicole "Snookie"
Age: 21
Hometown: Marlboro, New York
Relationship Status: Single and actively looking.
Claim to Fame: She "invented the freakin' poof!"
Love or Hate: We love her like we love Kim's wig from Real Housewives of Atlanta. PS—"I invented the freakin' poof" is officially the hottest new catch phrase.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Sammy "Sweetheart"
Age: 22
Hometown: Hazlet, New Jersey
Relationship Status: Recently single.
Claim to Fame: Has both castmates Mike and Ronnie chasing after her.
Love or Hate: We love bitches, we hate sweethearts.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Mike "The Situation"
Age: 27
Hometown: Staten Island, New York
Relationship Status: Single, oh so single.
Claim to Fame: Got his nickname because his abs are so ripped they are a "situation."
Love or Hate: We hate that we love him.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

DJ Ronnie D
Age: 28
Hometown: Johnston, Rhode Island (named after Levi)
Relationship Status: Surprisingly single.
Claim to Fame: Not only is he R.I.'s most famous DJ, but he has a tanning bed in his house and he does his hair twice a day.
Love or Hate: As the ultimate stereotypical guido, we love him practically without irony.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Ronnie
Age: 23
Hometown: Da Bronx, biatch
Relationship Status: Adamantly single, possibly gay.
Claim to Fame: Is the number one brawler in the house.
Love or Hate: The faux-hawk makes us hate. Sorry. The same thing happened to David Beckham back in 2001. Also, it ups your gay quotient by a factor of 10.

Meet the Cast of Jersey Shore

Vinnie
Age: 21
Hometown: Staten Island, New York
Relationship Status: Ladies love him, but he's single!
Claim to Fame: He's a momma's boy. Aww.
Love or Hate: We just want to pinch his cheeks and caress his perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

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