Soon There Will Be No Excuse For Not Having a Crappy JobS

The Way We Live Now: As close as can be to making a dollar! Unemployment has plummeted to the merest of double digits. Our scalping business is slow, and gambling's dead, but booze auctions are picking up. Promise!

Unemployment: If it goes any lower, why, it won't even be 10%, officially, and we would barely be losing jobs every month, at all! That's good news for America and for American families.

Which is not to say everything is peachy, exactly. Our plan to scalp tickets for the NBA co-champion Knicks and Nets is not working out so hot, for some reason. And the Off Track Betting thing? We thought that was a sure winner. Who ever went bankrupt on gambling, right? Well, OTB did.

But we're pursuing alternate strategic visions for economic enrichment. When the whole "Fancy Parisian restaurant that's been around for more than 400 years" thing wasn't paying off, we asked ourselves, "Why not auction off some of that wine that's filling up the cellar of this place?" So we did. And we got some money. That's how it is.

Always have a backup plan. Before you know it, the economy won't be losing any jobs at all. Then what's your excuse?
[Pic: Flickr]