Jersey Shore Stupidly Tries to Fight Jersey Shore

Jersey Shore, if you didn't know, is the most amazing reality show every created. Jersey shore, the real place, thinks it's horrible. Why are you fighting it, Jersey Shore? Embrace your inner guido. It will save your souls.

Today, Daniel Cappello, executive director of the Jersey Shore Convention and Visitors Bureau, sent out a statement decrying the show for painting the state's entire coast as a guido-laden hell hole that will swallow up any regular visitors in a black hole of tanning beds, hair gel, rhinestone encrusted hats, and puke breath.

We're flattered that MTV thinks we're an interesting enough destination to warrant an entire reality series. But the national TV audience is hardly getting the full story. MTV is providing a one-dimensional, dramatized version of a very small group of visitors' summer experiences in one Jersey Shore town.

Even though barely anyone watched the show, this is the totally wrong press release to write. Instead what they should have said was, "Hey, America. Coney Island has freak shows, but only the Jersey shore has Jersey Shore. Come see the guidos in real life. These people really exists and the only place you can see them is here." They should turn that house on the boardwalk into a shrine and open up a guido-themed restaurant that is like Planet Hollywood, but it only serves up protein shakes, sausage and peppers, protein bars, Ron Ron juice, and Jaeger bombs.

That is how how you are going to get everyone there. If someone doesn't buy me a Shore Store T-shirt for Christmas (hint, hint), I'm driving down there to get one myself and maybe go for a night of fist pumping at hot club Karma. Get everyone to the Jersey shore and hope that they'll discover all the other great things about the Jersey store. Don't try to misdirect us in a press release enumerating all of them. We don't believe that shit, but we believe in the power of MTV's reality. If you don't embrace that, then you are going to be washed out with the tide.