The Dumbest Fashion Coinage Maybe Ever: Men + Cleavage = HeavageS

Every once in a while, a trend piece is groundbreaking in identifying a movement in a zeitgeist. The other 99/100 are inherently ridiculous. This is no exception. The Wall Street Journal has penned an investigation into "Heavage." Yes: men's cleveage.

A few things:

1. This is stupid.
2. The Deep V-Neck has been going in and out for years, over and over again. It doesn't even disappear for decades at a time, the only regard it shifts in is who ends up wearing them, and what continent (Europe or America) they live in.
3. Because, for the moment, American Apparel—a popular company—is selling them, and pre-packaged hipster fashion is what's selling, that must make it a trend.
4. If NY1's Pat Kiernan is laughing at it, it probably isn't. Or it's just stupid.
5. This story will inevitably reference Saturday Night Fever, Europeans, when people starting wearing the necklines lower, the first person the author thinks came up with the coinage of "heavage" (which, honestly, sounds like a better euphemism for barfing than it does low-cut men's necklines), the people who like it, the people who don't like it, and where it's going mainstream. Etc. Really, though: go ahead and think of every trend resurgence that might've referenced Saturday Night Fever, and whether or not it actually turned out to be a trend. Exactly.

Guys have been wearing shirts unbuttoned or with lower necklines for a while, all that matters is, again, who's wearing them, and how sleazy the person wearing them is (or the kind of sleaze they want to project). There's business sleaze, hipster sleaze, emasculation complex sleaze (chest hair, everywhere), and then just sleazy-sleaze. And like the Supreme Court's definition of obscenity, when it comes to different stripes of sleaze, you know it when you see it.

But, you know, because we all have slow days, you get Heavage. From Cheetahs to Heavage. What awesome way will newspaper writers think of to make guys look like total dickbags next?

Anyway. Stay turned for my piece on Sandcank Tigers, where I detail the women who try to get men who wear sandals with cankles to attempt to get to second base with them only to have them get rejected and cry like the vulnerable, cankle-having, sandal-wearing sissies they are. This is a real thing, you know?

Heavage. Jesus.

[Image of Gossip Girl's heavage-sporting manmeat via Bauer-Griffin]