These Are the Five People You Meet in Heaven, or at a Plaza Hotel Jazz ConcertS

What do these five people have in common with Tinsley Mortimer's dad, George Mercer? Absolutely nothing, but they were all witnesses of Michael Fredo's ill-fated jazz set at the Plaza Hotel's Rose Bar. Who in their right mind compiled this guest list?

The real news of today's Page Six item was not that Mercer got wasted, crashed the stage at the Plaza Hotel, and tried to sing "New York, New York" before being forcibly removed. No, it was that Martha Stewart, Betsey Johnson, Isaac Mizrahi, Courtney Love, and Woody Allen were all in the same room at the same time for the same purpose. Apparently their love of music unites the domestic diva, two fashion designers, the professional mess, and the director who has been making the same film since the '70s.

This is how a conversation between them would probably go:

Martha: Betsey, would you like to be on my show and do some cooking? Do you have your own cupcake recipe?

Betsey: No, I don't bake cupcakes, but once Andy put LSD in cupcakes and passed them around the Factory. It was delish!

Isaac: Oh, lady, I could never eat a cupcake! Carbs haven't been fashionable since before I started selling clothes at Target.

Courtney (ignoring everyone, but updates her Facebook status to say): martha stewart is talkking about cupcakes. i fucking hate fucking cupcakes!!!! how retarded is that bitch?!?!?!?! she must have been molested...

Woody: Hi, everybody. I don't really feel comfortable with any of you. I mean, Martha's been in jail, Betsey is doing drugs, Isaac might make a pass at me, and well, it's Courtney Love. I think I need to leave.

Martha: Wait, Woody. Do you love lite jazz?

Woody: Why, yes, Martha, I...I...I...kinda do.

Betsey: Me too, it reminds me of the Velvet Underground and my underwear.

Isaac: Jazz is my favorite too, can we all be besties?

Courtney (she looks up from her Blackberry for a minute, looks everyone square in the eye, lights a cigarette, and starts typing again, but then stops to say): No.