Kristen Wiig is a comic genius. So our hearts went pitter-patter when we learned she was getting an entire Saturday Night Live primetime Christmas special. But then: of course the NBC suits picked her most annoying, only unfunny character.
Gilly is the crazy tater tot in the Little Orphan Annie wig who terrorizes her classmates. Her sketches fit the well-defined mode of painful "franchise character" Saturday Night Live bits: the setup is annoying, it drags on too long, and the payoff involves repeating the same joke over and over. In this instance, after some classroom disaster, a teacher asks every student in the room if they're responsible ending with Wiig who admits, in fact, she did it. Then Wiig delivers Gilly's catchphrase: "Schharry!" (ugh) That's it.
Still, we can't wait to see what the writers do with SNL Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas, which airs December 17 at 8pm. We bet Gilly is going to terrorize Santa's workshop, Santa will blame some elves and then Gilly will take the blame for it. Fun! So, We have a little advice: less Gilly and more of Wiig's deep repertoire of brilliant characters. (That is, all of them except Gilly.) We demand A Very Icelandic Christmas starring Björk!
Shtick: The most enthusiastic check out lady in the whole world, terrorizes the customers by announcing their products and trying to tell them about her life.
Why We Love Her: Because she's inappropriately awesome, and we swear to god we met someone just like her at Target once.
What She Wants for Christmas: For her best friend do to something "classic Peg."
Shtick: This lesbian reporter can't keep her hands off every pretty lady she interviews.
Why We Love Her: Because she's SNL's resident vagina expert, and we really, really wish this would actually happen on the nightly news just once.
What She Wants for Christmas: To get laid.
Shtick: Just like the indie singer that we know and love, but a million times wackier.
Why We Love Her: This is exactly what we imagine Björk to be like. The only thing that could make this impression better is if she was riding a unicorn.
What She Wants for Christmas: Sklarch and flirp.
Shtick: The fiercely competitive Penelope will say or do anything to make people think she's better than they are. With her mousey voice and nervous hair caressing, she's the girl you never want to get stuck talking to at a party.
Why We Love Her: If you don't work with a Penelope, then you know one socially or have bumped into her around town. It's not safe to laugh in her face in person (she'd just laugh harder) but the TV screen can't laugh back.
What She Wants for Christmas: She celebrates Christmas on November 25th, so she got it already.
Shtick: A super-serious, idiosyncratic, money-managing lesbian who is funnier when she's not trying to be than when she is.
Why We Love Her: She does Suze better than Suze.
What She Wants for Christmas: Michelle Dison.
Shtick: A written description can't do this amazing verbal feat justice. Weekend Update's frazzled travel correspondent is always too nervous to talk about anything travel-related. She just tells a quick succession of lies followed by "just kidding."
Why We Love Her: We hate travel writers with all their free trips and cushy gigs. We're glad they all have to compare themselves to Judy Grimes now.
What She Wants for Christmas: Xanax.