Naked Guy Wins GOP Nomination For Kennedy SeatS

Ayla Brown father and former naked person Scott Brown will be your next Senator from the Great State of Massachusetts, assuming hell freezes over!

MA State Senator Scott P. Brown won the Republican nomination for the late Ted Kennedy's US Senate seat, and now he has six weeks to prepare his concession speech.

Brown is notable for being hairy and naked in Cosmo many years ago, when, apparently, Cosmo was a way more awesome magazine.

He is a moderate, which means he opposes gay marriage and doing anything at all about the climate and thinks a government-run insurance option would be a Socialist takeover—but he supports abortion rights.

If Democratic candidate AG Martha Coackley wins, every pundit in America will obviously hail it as a victory for Barack Obama. (Hah, just kidding. Everyone knows that the only local or state races that qualify as referendums on Obama are the ones Republicans win.)