The Smashing Pumpkins frontman can now add Jessica Simpson as another notch in his rather unfortunate bedpost. Billy, it's time to stop dating below you and get back to work doing something great. We have suggestions.
See, that is Corgan in the background there, trying to avoid the cameras while hanging out with Simpson in New York on Friday night. He's become so irrelevant that no one even recognized him in the pictures (and there are several) until today.
The funny thing is, Simpson isn't even his most inappropriate choice as of late. In April he went to the Bravo A-List Awards with D-list internet skank Tila Tequila. Corgan is "just friends" with pornstar Sasha Grey, who would be a rather rad girlfriend compared to Tila or KCAL weather girl Jackie Johnson, who he was linked to this summer. Yes, can you imagine the guy in the Zero shirt dating a weather girl? His on-again-off-again dalliances with professional mess Courtney Love seem entirely appropriate by comparison.
Though he's trying to get the Smashing Pumpkins reunion off the ground, we think that he must just have too much time on his hands to keep running around with these floozies. Here are some survival strategies where he will look better, make some money, and hopefully meet a nice wholesome girl.
1. Take to the Internet: He already has a Livejournal page and he's releasing new tracks on for free on the web, why not go one better and get yourself a snazzy music portal. With Billy's reputation, something slick and informed could be a fresh alternative to Pitchfork. And look at all the good it's done for Courtney. She no longer lashes out at people in public now that she can do it on Facebook!
2. Try TV for a Change: Sonic Youth's appearance on Gossip Girl might have been the best thing they did in a while (we bought the tracks on iTunes, and they rule!), and Liz Phair has a great second career doing the music for 90210 and Swingtown (RIP). There's nothing wrong with writing a few theme songs if it will keep you from having Tony Romo's sloppy seconds.
3. Call Dave Grohl: He was the only one to rise out of the '90s grunge rock to be even bigger this decade and he still manages to be pretty great, even if the Foo Fighters aren't as relevant these days. Get in on one of his next side project. With a track record that includes Queens of the Stone Age and the new Them Crooked Vultures, there's gotta be a place for you somewhere.
4. Go to Movie Premieres: That's what Michael Stipe does. This summer he was taking inappropriate pictures of himself in a bathroom [NSFW, unless you work as Perry Ferrell's personal assistant], but now we saw him at both the A Single Man premiere and later this week at the soiree for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. You get a free movie and to hob nob with fancy, famous ladies. But be careful, Courtney might be there—but only if there's a good gift bag.
5. Dancing with the Stars: Now come on, it wouldn't be so bad. In fact, it might be so bad that it will qualify as some sort of James Franco on General Hospital performance art type thing. We bet Billy can do a great cha-cha-cha, and he could lose a few pounds. And bagging Chelsea Hightower is a much better feat that going one-on-one with serial dater Jessica Simpson.