All Americans Now in Prison Industry, One Way or Another

The Way We Live Now: In prison. Although if we can hold on for a few more years of economic doom, the jail might crumble, from neglect! In the meantime: We stand in solidarity with our oppressed brethren, bankers.

In 2008 the US prison population rose to 1.6 million—2.3 million, counting local jails. The increase in prisoners mostly consisted of government officials jailed for not being able to pay their hefty prison construction bills.

Look, nobody likes to lock people up, except for the prison-industrial complex and its political protectors, and Republicans. But order must be kept. Control must be had. Mayhem must be staunched. Bankers in England are getting a 50% bonus tax hit this year, and brother, if you don't they're going to be shivving accountants and tossing burning mattresses from atop their tiers, then you don't know what life is really like in The Pen, by which we mean An Office with Pens, Although Most Work is Admittedly Done on Bloomberg Terminals.

Indignities abound. Tavern on the Green, once the most popular mediocre tourist trap restaurant with annoying mirrored mazelike walls in New York, is now being forced to auction off all of its bric-a-brac, as it's going out of business.

Bankers: Go buy all the topiary and garish art. Use it to spruce up a federal prison. The PR value is great, and you'll have a nicer place to look forward to when you get locked up for tax evasion.
[Pic via]