For the First Time in His Life, Jeffrey Epstein's Relieved to Keep His Penis in His Pants

Billionaire money manager Jeffrey Epstein paid his debt to society for soliciting happy endings from underage girls, and those girls had a setback in their lawsuit against him today. The can't see his penis for a second time.

A Palm Beach, Florida, judge ordered today that Epstein's erect member can not be examined for a civil lawsuit that has been filed against him by the women he abused. Judge Donald Hafele said that the shape and size of Epstein's junk is not relevant to the proceedings. Spencer Kuvin, the lawyer for the woman in the suit who described Epstein's joint as "egg shaped" argued that it is an important identifying characteristic. Also, if it is truly egg-shaped, it's an important biological anomaly. Though I may be Gawker's resident vagina expert, I have also seen a few penises in my day, and never has one of them been shaped like an egg.

This ruling should make Epstein very pleased, considering he stormed out of a deposition when asked about the shape of his wang a few months ago. No wonder. If you had a freakish oval-shaped appendage hiding in your pants, you wouldn't want to talk about it either!