Hobo America Gets a HaircutS

The Way We Live Now: Well-coiffed. Hey, Citigroup's resurrecting itself and Exxon is balling again even though all your investments are clearly "bubbles," but the point is: Here, have a free haircut. All better now?

Remember not too long ago when Citigroup was all messed up, and America was like here, take all these billions in tax dollars, go fix yourself up, you look like a fucking mess? Well Citigroup's paid back its final $20 billion now, and guess what: The people at Citigroup have jobs, whereas you do not.

We just want you to appreciate the value of big business as an economic engine, okay? Exxon made a $31 billion acquisition today. That's like some shit right out of 2006, right? M&A! Shit doesn't just happen, you know. This took lots of hard work. Hard work from people with jobs that command salaries you can only dream of.

Today the president met with bankers, creating this headline: "Obama Tells Bankers That Lending Can Spur Economy." You'd think that bankers would already know that, right? Pretty basic stuff. But no. If there's one things bankers know, it's that whatever happens, they are not going to pop any asset price bubbles, because, well, we're sure they have their reasons. They are, after all, paid much more than you ever were, when you were employed.

But look on the bright side: Since you're unemployed, you can get a nice free haircut. Don't you feel better? Yea. You do.
[Pic via]