John Mayer took to the airwaves today on Ellen to announce that he is DONE DATING. Sorry ladies, he is off the market. He did not say that he was done having anonymous sex, however. Back on the market!
Isn't John Mayer just the best? He's funny, talented, and it looks like someone took the Photoshop melting tool to his face when he sings. He also just so happens to bang every other A-list actress in Hollywood before making a beeline to the bank to cash his enormous, million dollar checks. So you really have to feel sympathetic for the guy when he says enough is enough! He is simply fed up with playing just the tip with unfathomably beautiful, famous women. He'd rather just sleep with regular hot women, so people will just stop bothering him. Please respect his wishes.
John Mayer, I think I speak for us all when I say you are a martyr.