The Diminishing Returns of the Tiger Woods Story

To no one's surprise, it appears that Tiger Woods' wife is planning to divorce him. Sorry, golf fans momentarily distracted from your sedate sport by a wild sex scandal: this story is coming to its end.

STAGE ONE: Remember way back, when the story first broke? A mysterious car accident; an angry wife; unclear circumstances. At that time, the big question was what the legal fallout would be. Will Tiger go to jail, OMG? No. He got a ticket.

STAGE TWO: Oh, he was cheating! All those girls! First the first girl, then another, and another and another and another and then some more after that. The big question: Hey, are there any sexxxy photos of these ladies? There were some! This stage went on so long that everyone actually got tired and stopped paying attention. New women may still be coming forward, who even knows?

STAGE THREE: Well, we knew all the bad stuff he did. What about his career? What about his sponsors? What about golf? What will happen? Here's what happened: The skittish sponsors left him, and he gave up golf, at least until all this shit blows over (somewhat). Exactly what you would have expected, in other words.

STAGE FOUR: Here's where we are now. The last real remaining question: Can Tiger save his marriage? Answer, apparently: No. Duh. The new drama is how much money Elin will get (our guess: a lot). If he gets divorced he'll be free to go back to womanizing, unrestrained by a wife and picky sponsors and golf tournaments to wake up for. La dee da.

The one thing missing in all this, of course, is drama. Once the divorce goes through, there's little meat left on this story. It's all bone and tabloid grease drippings. Tiger was just voted Athlete of the Decade by the AP. Perfect timing. He can take the next decade off, go spend a few hundred million dollars, assemble a worldwide harem, then come back to golf when this story is long gone. And still dominate, probably. It's what he does.

But find another story to get entertain you. This one's almost done.