You Cheap, Cheap Bastard

The Way We Live Now: Like cheap, cheap bastards. Let's be honest. We can't afford to waste words. If we had to sum up "the new consumer" in three words, those words would be: cheap, cheap bastards.

We're summarizing this big long WSJ think piece for you. The new consumer is a cheap, cheap bastard, okay? You wanna go read that whole piece on your own? Fine, smart guy. Do it. We didn't. We're too cheap. While you were reading all those extra words, we were off applying for welfare. Everybody's doing it! While you were reading all those extra words, we were walking away from our mortgage, just because we felt like it. Everybody's doing it! While you were reading all those extra words, we were refusing to pay our bills. Everybody's doing it!

We're nothing but a bunch of low-down, no good, cheap, cheap bastards. While you were thinking about that, we just stole all the valuables out of your airport luggage. Everybody's doing it!

Don't take our word for it. Ask Henry Hill. He went from being a fancy mobster to hustling paintings in a dank Illinois strip club. It's not cause he's a bad guy. He's just a cheap, cheap bastard. And so are you.
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