Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?

Because the gossips say they're working on a new baby, but I'm not sure we can believe it until the beard is accounted for. Kevin Jonas is getting married, Snooki lost her job, Elin Nordegren hires a lawyer. TGIFriday Gossip.

  • Brangelina are in the mood for love and maybe a new baby—but how do they have sex when that horrible beard is always in the way? "Angie playfully grabbed at Brad's tux jacket, gazed at him lovingly and ran her fingers through his hair - all while he planted soft kisses on her head." This scene puts Brad's chin scraggle of horror on top of her face. I conclude the following: (1.) Angelina is a closed-eye kisser (2.) The new baby will not be made in missionary. Sidenote: Should "Brangelina" be treated as a single or plural noun? [3AM]

  • The Tiger Woods mistress prophecies are coming true. Sexting all-star Jaimee Grubbs is going to pose for Maxim. She has clearly invested some of her sext sale cash into high-end extensions and a makeover, and it's all very exciting, this must be self actualization for her. [P6]

  • If Madonna were dating Brad, she'd be fine, because she likes shoes better than sex, anyway. Says pricey cobbler Jimmy Choo: "Madonna told me that buying a pair of my shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man. At least you know they are going to last forever!" Luckily, Madonna's current friend is not a mere man, but a wanton sex Christian-y sex god. [OK]

  • Oops. Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked recently widowed Lovely Bones star Stanley Tucci how his wife liked the movie on The View yesterday. Tucci started it by mentioning his wife; Hasselbeck followed up and he dodged gracefully. This story breaks my heart a little, imagining the split-second adjustment he must have made when he realized the misunderstanding, and then tried to cover it up genially. "The show must go on." [P6]

  • Pocket-sized Jersey Shore star Snooki lost her job to anti-famewhore workplace discrimination: "I was a receptionist at a corporation. I was getting good money, like $13 an hour. I got fired when I asked for time off to go to L.A." [NYDN]

  • Kevin Jonas "secret" wedding is this weekend, and the story's actually sort of sweet: Danielle Deleasa was a hairstylist hanging out in the Bahamas with her family when she met Kevin. He proposed to her on her doorstep in New Jersey in June; she will wear a strapless Vera Wang gown when they tie the knot; LALate has pictures where they look like a shocking normal couple. [P6] [LALate]

  • Elin Nordegren is "talking to" divorce attorney to the stars Sorrell Trope, who brokered splits for Nicole Kidman, Cary Grant, Hugh Grant, and Britney Spears. [NYDN]

  • The stylish cyclist run over by Anne Hathaway's getaway vehicle was a paparazzo! This upends my understanding of the tabloid press completely. [AP]

  • Demi Moore is in a Twitter fight over looking "old" in a twitpic. "I'm 47 how am I supposed to look?" she asked. I want to be all "you go girl," but Demi is the poster child for warped, plastically perverted age comprehension, so my loyalties are getting confused. [OK]

  • Saddest gossip item of the day: Tiger Woods Spotted Golfing Alone at Night. Apparently it "clears his head," but he only does it when nobody is looking, for he is ashamed. The sport that made him a god among men is now his midnight vice. All because of a couple other midnight vices. [Us]