News You Can Booze: The Whiskey-Vodka Hangover Scale AdjustedS

When making beverage selections for the remaining holiday parties, actual holidays, and the oncoming New Year's Eve benders, one should employ discretion, lest you end up with a terrible hangover and a sauce gut. Not afraid to be servicey:

Whiskey is now hands down suggested to be a riskier proposition for a hangover.

Wasn't this the conventional wisdom already? Maybe now even more so than ever, because we have advanced so far in science as to figure this kind of thing out, or have been able to acquire the boozehounds coherent enough to help humanity, I guess. Observe:

The reason might lie in the number of molecules called "congeners" which it contains compared to vodka, the Brown University team said. But the study also suggested that sticking to vodka all night rather than whisky would not improve your performance at work the next day.

That's because your subjects, dear science—"all healthy alcohol users"—were a fucking drunk mess. Also, note a few things:

1. "Suggested." So for those of you holding out hope, feel free to prove science wrong, get drunk, and call the Brown Scientists at 3AM to be like, I'M GONNA BE JUSH FINE NOMORROW, and then call them at 10AM to tell them how much work you've already gotten done.

2. How cruel these studies are to other humans. "On the third night they were given a "placebo" drink containing no alcohol." Yes, because that's not enough to send "healthy" drinkers into...an alcoholic rage.

3. "Chris Sorek, the chief executive of charity Drinkaware, said that social drinkers should be aware that no alcoholic drink removed the risk of a hangover." We have non-profits in the world dedicated to advances in drinking knowhow. Awesome. They still don't have a cure for "whiskey dick," however. I smell a conspiracy. And it smells like Svedka.

Previously, in upsetting BBC-presented drinking news, exercising won't reverse the damage you to do yourself by drinking. Nothing will. So you've got two choices, here: get ceremoniously drunk and kill yourself drop by sweet, burning, peaty drop, or...face the world sober.

Hm. Decisions.