Britney Spears' Big Cute Eyeglasses Deflect Abortion RumorS

Sometimes, a good paparazzi shot makes us stop thinking about rumors and start thinking about whether big eyeglasses are passé, yet. Lindsay has a new beau, her dad has a new excuse, Gosselin's ex thinks someone is framing her. Gossip!

  • The Natonal Enquirer's "Britney Abortion Nightmare: 'I Killed My Baby!'" is interesting because Britney has eyeglasses on, and have we seen these spectacles before? The story itself, though appealing, ultimately doesn't pass muster, unless they mean she actually killed Jayden James or something, because (1.) with Papa Spears as her guardian, Britney's personal life has been pretty secure (2.) I have this feeling the Spears clan are pro-lifers, given 17-year-old Jamie Lynn's recent birth. Not that being pro-life prevents abortion, just that we are straying from this story's real issue: Britney's relative level of cuteness in the above photo, because (a.) I think she looks nice and normal, in a "bedhead at the airport" sort of way, and (b.) the phrase "Britney fights depression every Christmas season" is just so relatable next to this foggy-eyed airport photo, with the awkward scarf and messy hair, and (c.) are big eyeglasses over now? [NatlEnq]

  • Michael Lohan: Factchecker. Papa Lohan wrote to Page Six to inform them that he is not that big of a deadbeat, just a little bit of a deadbeat: "Court papers indicate Dina claims it is $15,000 not $40,000" in child support. [P6]

  • Luckily, during this trying time of Haus of Lohan agony, "Lindsay is finding comfort in new beau Adam Senn," a Gucci model who is weirdly unphotogenic in the picture Gatecrasher provides [fig.1], but further research reveals a baby-faced beefcake [fig.2], so I see Lindsay's point. Apparently she brought him to Ali's sixteenth birthday party. [Gatecrasher]

  • Yesterday, after Jon Gosselin's apartment was trashed and slashed with a knife stabbed through a handwritten note that read HAILEY GLASSMAN DID THIS, police questioned (wait for it) Gosselin ex-lover Hailey Glassman about the crime, though they did not charge her. Now Glassman is striking back saying it was a "huge, huge publicity stunt" (for Jon, or for her?) and a frame job. My question: How come Jon is complaining about damage to a "100-year-old Ming vase"? Isn't the point of Ming vases that they come from the Ming dynasty, which ended in 1644? And if that's not the way it works, someone should change it. Ming vases should come from Ming, just as Chihuahua cheese should be the dairy product harvested from roving herds of chihuahuas at Central Park. [TMZ] [NYDN]

  • The Broderick-Parker clan sold pictures of themselves on a beautiful floral sofa with their beautiful old-lady-named twin babies Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge. Like all things she does, Sarah Jessica takes even her babies' names a step too trendy. But, they're a lovely family, wish them well, &c. [Gatecrasher]

  • Rihanna wore a pink bikini to the beach on Boxing Day. [Sun]

  • Another National Enquirer gossip de force: Martha Stewart collapses! Lesbian dates, prison attack horror, violent temper tantums. All from turncoat Mariana Pasternak's new memoir The Best of Friends: Martha and Me. Pasternak testified against Martha during the insider trading trial. Did she also have lesbian sex with her? I'm going with "sure, why not." [NatlEnq]

  • So, what did Ivana Trump do to get kicked off a West Palm Beach flight to New York Saturday? She was "miserable that she was put in coach and not first class," "complaining the nearby children were acting like monsters," called them "barbarians" and "little [bleep]ers," told their parent to "shut them up." What a jerk. On the other hand, you know one or two fellow passengers were secretly cheering her on. All in all: Worst holiday travel season ever. [P6]

  • Page Six has declared war on blogs! "This is why they're called 'blogs,' not journalism," the Richard Johnson Consortium sneers as it recounts a chilling tale of a Bronx eatery unfairly ridiculed by vile bloggers. As the folks at P6 are surely aware, nobody cares about the actual content of this item, it is the anti-blog meta-message here that matters, and while Page Six vs. Blogosphere could pretty easily fall into a tit-for-tat battle of factchecks, let us instead speculate who, specifically, in new media Richard Johnson is trying to incite. One wrongful blog from today's item is a .net, and another is a .blogspot.com, so they're definitely going after the third blog, New York's Grub Street. Who do they hate there? [P6]

  • Figure 1.
    Britney Spears' Big Cute Eyeglasses Deflect Abortion RumorS

    Figure 2.
    Britney Spears' Big Cute Eyeglasses Deflect Abortion RumorS