Let's Pretend Court Is College and the Judge Is a Teacher and Jail Is Candy!

The Way We Live Now: Flowing. As we get poorer, we "flow" from expensive places, like colleges, to inexpensive places, like the courthouse, where we are charged with check-kiting. "Flowing" is a nice metaphor for it, don't you think?

By "it" we mean "soul-crushing poverty." It toughens you up! Gets you outta the house! Forces you to see new things, like the inside of the courthouse, a common stop on the way to debtor's prison and an increasingly popular "third place" for Americans, replacing Starbucks (the other two "places" are dumpsters, and the welfare office).

Don't mourn for us! We're trying new things and learning new skills. One thing you cannot do any more is get a loan for college which, hey, blessing in disguise. No more sitting in boring classes reading a book, instead, you can go outside and learn "physics" with nothing but sticks and the body of a passerby! Also a side benefit is all those schools that opened fancy campuses in Dubai are totally failing now, which is the equivalent of karma giving the what-for to snooty "smart" college people and our Arab enemies all at once.

Take that—courtesy of Jesus of Money Issues. US version!

How bad is it out there? So bad that even dead people are auctioning off all their stuff. Hahahaha! That's 100% true, so maybe the laughter wasn't "appropriate." But the general mirth is, because even though coffee prices have skyrocketed this year, it just goes to show that you don't lose a thing by imagining your rotgut whiskey is really your "morning coffee," there in your gutter "classroom," in the jail. P.M.A.=Positive Mental Attitude—shout it loud!

[Pic via]